Episode 3 - Me Nuts!
27th day of December, 1639.
The Grim Reaper headed north through the Lesser Antilles and it wasn't long before the lookout called out, "Thars a sail on the Horizon, Sir!"
"Looks like a French Frigate" he added.
Coggy stood up. Arfur, his trusty parrot ruffled it's feathers and squawked, "Bleedin'-frogs-squawk"
"'Tis our first catch of the day, lads." called Coggy as his men readied for battle.
The Jolly Roger fluttered proudly in the strong breeze as the Reaper came about and headed for the Frigate.
"We're closin' fast, Sir," said Lieutenant Cutter.
"I think they've spotted us, Cap'n," added Quintal.
Coggy gave the order to ready cannons, and the gunners scurried about quickly loading the heavy guns with grape-shot.
After a few moments, the two ships approached and began their deadly dance. The Reaper, being smaller and more manoeuvrable, quickly crossed the Frenchy's bow and opened up with a brutal 25-gun broadside that raked the Frigates deck.
"Bring us about for another pass," called out Coggy.
The French Frigate wasted no time in turning her broadside around to face the pirate Sloop, and without hesitation countered with a ferocious volley of double shot which blasted the upper deck and main sails of Coggy's ship.
Timber, splinters, and burnng embers flew through the air but Coggy stood like a statue toward the bow of his ship and gave the order to fire again.
Arfur the parrot let loose all over Coggy's shoulder.
The Reaper retaliated with another 25-gun graping of the Frigates deck and the screams of French men being blown apart brought a great cheer from Coggy's murderous crew.
"Change ta double shot, lads." came Coggy's immediate order.
The gunners worked quickly to get the guns ready but another barrage of cannon shot ripped through the Reaper again, and many crewmen were blasted apart by the French gunners' accuracy.
Coggy continued his rock solid stance, refusing to take refuge, his men took inspiration from their Captain and as the Reaper again came about she retaliated with a deadly broadside of double shot that tore through the Frigate from close range.
There was a large explosion as the French warship began to list badly in the water.
Arfur fluttered down and hid under an upturned empty rum keg.
"We've holed her Cap'n!" came the gleeful call from Quintal.
"Ready the marines," said Coggy in a calm voice. "Standby for boardin'"
The Reaper moved in towards the stricken Frigate and with a terrifying cry, Coggy's men quickly grappled the two ships together and the marines stormed aboard the burning French ship.
Within minutes the sinking Frigate was swamped with murderous Cutthroats and the French were quickly overcome by the sheer ferocity of their foes.
"They've struck their colours, Cap'n," Quintal happily reported.
Coggy slowly made his way to the Bridge and ordered a quick looting of the ship before she sank.
"Leave the survivin' frogs ta tread water with tha sharks," said Coggy as he disappeared below decks to wipe the parrot shit off his jacket.
Thirty minutes later...
"Cap'n, we've took a bit of damage from our skirmish, Sir," said Cutter, standing outside Cogs cabin.
"Reckon we should head to port for repairs before continuin' ta Tortuga, Sir." he continued.
"Aye, yer right, Cutter," replied Coggy as he opened the door and invited the Lieutenant in.
"What 'r our losses?" asked Cog.
"Eleven crew dead, fourteen injured…"
"We've lost most of our live stock too - 'tis not a pretty sight down thar!…"
"Four barrels o' rum where wholed…"
"Oh, and yer personal supply o' coconuts 'r missin' - presumed dead" he finished.
"BASTIDS!" called out an angry Cog, "Me friggin' nuts!"
Coggy returned to the deck to survey the damage and turned to his first mate, "St Kitts be tha closest port and I's got a couple of mates there that own a nice ol' tavern and a farm where we can get a few provisions before headin' for Tortuga. Set a course, Cutter." he said.
"Aye Aye Sir," said the eager Leiutenant.
Later that morning…
One hour had passed since the run-in with the French ship. The Grim Reaper was making good headway towards the English port of St Kitts.
Pirate Jim was over-seeing the running repairs of the canvass and watching the crew clear away the debris strewn across the deck.
"Peeeeewwwww, what the bloody 'ell is that disgustin' smell?" he asked, holding his nose and gingerly lifting up a few empty sacks with his sword.
"Arrrghhh, errrmmm, Arrr, errrrr" came the nervous response from a bedraggled looking officer as he slowly emerged from his hide-away.
"Who da 'ell 'r you?" asked Jim, still holding his nose.
"Sir, Sir!… we's found a stow-away!" shouted a sailor to his Captain.
Coggy made his way over to the commotion, "Arrrghhh, La Foot yew blaggard!" he called with surprise, "What 'r doin' on me ship without permission?" he asked angrily.
"Hey, Coggy, me auld mate," replied a nervous La Foot.
"Shall we make the swab walk the plank, Cap'n?" asked Jim eagerly.
"Now, now, thars no need ta be makin' any rash decisions" added La Foot quickly.
"LA FOOT!… ya bleedin' stow-away!" barked Coggy menacingly, "Ye knows what 'appens to cheatin' theiv'n stow-aways, lad?" he continued.
"Arrr, but Coggy, 'tis me, yer mate from Bristol" said La Foot trying to keep his composure.
"Tis yer misfortune that Pirate Jim 'as a keen sense o' smell, La Foot," said Coggy, "pitty ye didn't heed me advice and get yerself some odour eaters for them thar feet of yers! If'n ye had, maybe we'd never 'o found ye! Haaarrrr!"
A few minutes later La Foot stood on the end of a long plank looking down at the shark infested waters. His hands tied behind his back.
Coggy's motley crew where gathered and watched in glee as their Captain read out the charges.
"Tas been noted in the ships log that as of this day, Lieutenant John La Foot, 'as been found guilty o' bein' a stow-away on me very flagship. Tis also noted that tha said La Foot has been found guilty of 'avin' the smelliest feet known to man, and fer such heinous crimes, 'e should end is wretched life by walkin' me plank." said Coggy, with authority in his voice, "How plead ye, La Foot?" he asked.
"Coggy, mate, don't do it I tells ye, please let me redeem meself.." came La Foot's pitiful reply.
"What'd ya say lads?" called Coggy to his men, "Do we let this blaggard redeem 'isself or shall we make the git swim wit tha sharks?"
"SHARKS, COGGY!" came the unanimous response.
"Arrr, Coggy, 'tis me, La Foot, yer mate form Bristol - don't do this to an auld friend" pleaded La Foot once more as he glanced down at the circleing sharks…
"SILENCE!" shouted Coggy. All eyes turned to the Captain. "I've made me decision" he said.
The crew and La Foot waited with baited breath as Coggy made his way over to the gathering.
"I's decided ta give this sorry bugger a chance ta redeem his treacherous ways," said Coggy - much to La Foot's delight.
"Awwww, Cap'n, we wus lookin' forward to watchin' tha bastid swim," said a disappointed sailor.
"Never ye mind lad," replied Coggy, "I don't doubt that thar'll be plenty o' swines walkin' me plank before me piratin' days 'r over - and besides, we could do wit another officer on board,"
Turning to La Foot, Coggy continued "Be warned, La Foot, fer if'n ye don't sort out them thar reekin' feet o' yers, yee'll surely end up on me plank again!"
"Aye Sir," said the relieved Lieutenant as he wiped the sweat away from his forehead and hastily jumped back onto the deck.